- Lexus Nexus
- ABCD
- Fifteen Minutes Could Save You 15% or More on Car Insurance
- How Am I Supposed To Get Around?
- I Can't Drive 55
- A Talking Truck
- Great National Experiment
- Inverse Microwave
- Bot Wheels
- Special Commemorative Parking
- LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z
- 8UICK/I9E7S/476NX
- Corolla Virus
| Nexus #: Nx-350 | Level 4/Nx-350 |
| Nexus Class: Camelot | Classified |
| Civilian Designation | Population |
| Lanceland | 867 |
Interaction Protocol:
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The Anomaly Breeding Control Department is responsible for the successful execution of Operation 0000-SANGER.
Description:
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000 is currently uncontained. Standard civilian domicile surveillance is in effect to identify SCP-0000 appearances.
Description: SCP-0000 resembles a northern saw-whet owl (Aegolius acadicus) possessing the ability to vocalize human speech. The entity will appear in close proximity to any human individual verbally expressing anguish at their current automotive insurance provider.
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000 has been Neutralized; the original Containment Procedures have been recorded below for posterity.
Standard social media surveillance is in effect to expunge all SCP-0000 instances from circulation.
SCP-0000-A is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment chamber outfitted with the appropriate handicap-accessible objects.
Description: SCP-0000 is a phenomenon affecting Internet websites in which pop-up messages will appear encouraging individuals to make monetary donations to SCP-0000-A.
SCP-0000-A is a 27 year old human male possessing below-waist paralysis, necessitating the use of a wheelchair for mobility.
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000 is to be contained in the Anomalous Vehicle Center of Site-48, with a Faraday cage installed around it.
Description: SCP-0000 is an land-travelling craft of unknown extra-terrestrial origin superficially resembling a second-generation Toyota Prius. It possesses autonomous capabilities through unknown methods, with a maximum travel speed of 85 kilometers an hour.
SCP-0000 is constructed of multiple unidentified alloys, with a rigid material constructing its body, a reflective material for its windows and external lights, and a flexible material for its "tires". Its interior is inaccessible, but is believed to contain computing electronics and a communication module connecting to an extra-terrestrial entity located an estimated 4700 light years from Earth.
It is believed the purpose of SCP-0000 is the surveillance of, and the collection of data regarding, the Earth's surface, environment, and human mannerisms. The purpose of this data collection is unknown, and it is also unknown whether more SCP-0000-like crafts exist on Earth uncontained.
Discovery: On November 28, 2009, a meteorite struck the Los Huertos mountain region of California, USA. Originally believed by the Foundation to be a non-anomalous event, it is believed the meteorite was SCP-0000 landing on Earth, and mimicking the form of a nearby civilian automobile to evade detection.
On July 25, 2015, members of the California Highway Patrol detained SCP-0000 for travelling along a public freeway at 20 km/h under the posted speed limit, and discovered its anomalous construction. Undercover Foundation personnel were able to transfer the vehicle to Site-48.
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000 is to be contained at the Anomalous Vehicle Containment Center of Site-56.
Description: SCP-0000 is a 2001 Nissan Frontier pickup truck with the ability to vocalize in English. The entity uses a masculine voice emitted through unknown methods.
SCP-0000 claims to have been transformed into an automobile through unknown thaumaturgical means. It is of note that SCP-0000 does not possess the ability to operate itself, although it claims to experience physical sensations relating to its purpose as a vehicle.
SCP-0000 was discovered in the parking lot of Brighton High School in Positano, California, USA. A civilian uploaded a video onto social media demonstrating SCP-0000's ability to speak. Standard social media surveillance identified the video, and Site-56 personnel were dispatched to secure the anomaly and administer Class-A amnestics.
Addendum: An interview was conducted during initial recovery of SCP-0000 on November 4, 2013.
Interviewer: Researcher Dominic Donahue, Agent Edward Elliott
Interviewed: SCP-0000
Date: November 4, 2013
Foreword: This interview was conducted at SCP-0000's initial point of discovery, prior to relocation to Site-56.
<Begin Log>
Researcher Donahue: State your name for the record.
SCP-0000: My name's Patrick.
A short pause.
Agent Elliott: What's your surname, Patrick?
SCP-0000: Who are you guys? Why am I here?
Donahue: My name's Dominic, <gestures to Agent Elliott> his name's Edward, and we're here to study you, as you are a talking pickup truck.
SCP-0000: I'm a truck?
Elliott: Yes. Can you see us, Mr. Patrick?
SCP-0000: I… don't know…
Donahue: But you can hear us, yes? And respond?
SCP-0000: Well, yeah, but I can't see you two back.
Elliott: Are you able to perceive anything at all? Or would you say that you're blind?
SCP-0000: I guess I'm blind…
Elliott: Have you always been blind, Mr. Patrick?
SCP-0000: No? I used to be a teenage boy.
Donahue: But you are now a pickup truck?
SCP-0000: Hold on, is this some sort of joke? What's going on? Who are you guys? Did Kathy set me up?
Elliott: Who is this "Kathy"? What is their last name?
SCP-0000 begins to shake.
SCP-0000: Seth, is that you? Are you playing some sort of prank on me right now? This isn't funny, Seth!
Donahue: No no no, this isn't any sort of prank. You are genuinely a talking pickup truck, that's why we're conducting this interview right-
SCP-0000: Seth, you asshole! What's going on? Why can't I see?
Elliott: Mr. Patrick, you have appeared to have been transformed through some sort of process from a human into an automobile. We're trying to figure out how, so we can possibly revert the process.
SCP-0000 increases the intensity of its shaking.
SCP-0000: What the hell are you talking about? Why can't I see? What did you do to me?
Donahue: I promise you, we had no involvement in any of this. We would like to change you back as soon as possible.
SCP-0000: Wait, are you guys serious? Am I actually a pickup truck now? What the shit?
Donahue: I know you're upset at the situation, but we'd like to figure out how to turn you back into a human. In order to do that, we need you to cooperate with us.
SCP-0000 stops shaking.
SCP-0000: Oh… ok then…
Elliott: Firstly, we'd like to know who Kathy and Seth are. What are their full names?
SCP-0000: Um… Katherine Capistrello and Seth Innisbrook.
Donahue: Why did you suspect those two of playing a prank on you?
SCP-0000: Cause I've got beef with them, right? They threatened to fight back dirty after what I did to them last time.
Donahue: And what did you do to them last time?
SCP-0000: Um… no comment.
Elliott: You believe that they will retaliate against you very soon, correct?
SCP-0000: I think they already did. I can't see anything, but if you guys are correct about me being a pickup truck, then…
Donahue: Are you able to drive yourself?
SCP-0000: I can't seem to be able to…
Elliott: No worries, we'll have you towed to a secure facility where we can work on turning you back into a human again.
SCP-0000: That works, I guess. One last thing, what truck model am I?
Donahue: You're a Nissan.
SCP-0000: Oh, Goddammit, a Nissan? They turned me into a Nissan?
<End Log>
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All three SCP-0000 instances are contained in the Anomalous Vehicle Center of Site-56. Testing has been suspended.
Description: SCP-0000 is the collective designation of three 1987 Buick Regal Grand Nationals. All vehicles have received anomalous modifications allowing for supersonic land travel, with a top estimated speed of 1,350 kilometers an hour.
All SCP-0000 instances have modified V6 engines capable of producing an estimated 138,000 horsepower; despite its energy output, instances achieve a fuel economy of 3.8 kilometers per liter. Catalytic converters of anomalous function have been fitted to all instances following initial discovery; pollution output without these emissions devices are estimated to be 25 grams per kilometer at the maximum speed.
The occupant cabins of all instances have been modified through unknown means to support supersonic travel for those not accustomed to such; D-class personnel subjected to experimentation with an SCP-0000 instance report sensations correlating with ground speeds of only 120 km/h.
At the time of initial discovery by the US Federal Bureau of Investigation's Unusual Incidents Unit, five SCP-0000 instances were recovered. All five instances were seized by the FBI under civil asset forfeiture, and the vehicles were repurposed for use by UIU agents. Two instances were destroyed during their service.
On May 4, 2007, the FBI retired the remaining three SCP-0000 instances, and delivered the vehicles to Site-56 for containment by the Foundation.
Item #: SCP-0000-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000-J was previously contained in a standard storage locker at Site-48. Following approval from the Site Director and HMC Liaison, SCP-0000-J has been relocated to the Site-48 cafeteria. Use of SCP-0000-J requires no prior approval.
Description: SCP-0000-J is a 900 watt microwave oven manufactured by the defunct Hanwoo Home Appliance company. When SCP-0000-J is activated, rather than heating food items contained within, it will freeze the items to a temperature of -40° Celsius1. Analysis of its construction revealed no outward reason for the anomaly, leading to SCP-0000-J receiving its SCP classification.
History: SCP-0000-J was purchased from a civilian garage sale by HMC Liaison Benjamin Bolton, who discovered it anomalous properties following initial attempts to bake his microwave dinner. Liaison Bolton reported the anomaly to Site-48 Director Linda Lutz, leading to the containment of SCP-0000-J.
Addendum:
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-0000 are contained in a standard storage locker in Site-48.
Description: SCP-0000 is the collective designation of seven diecast 1:64 scale toy automobiles with the ability to move independently with limited sapience. Instances of SCP-0000 navigate their surroundings in a similar manner to an insect.
Item #: SCP-0000-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0000-J is currently located within the Site-48 employee parking center. Only personnel designated as "Employee of the Month" are authorized to use SCP-0000-J.
Description: SCP-0000-J is the Employee of the Month parking space at Site-48 in California, USA. It is 5.7 meters in length and 2.8 meters in width, and is situated to the immediate left of the disability-accessible parking area, 11.5 meters from the front gate to Site-48.
SCP-0000-J is subject to a memetic anomaly in which Foundation personnel who are not Employee of the Month believe themselves to be permitted to park their automotive transportation upon SCP-0000-J. Personnel who are Employee of the Month will often react with hostility when SCP-0000-J is occupied by non-authorized personnel.
SCP-0000-J is subject to a secondary antimemetic effect involving authoritative and administrative Site-48 personnel, in which those affected ignore the phenomenon surrounding SCP-0000-J usage by non-authorized individuals.
Addendum 01: Interrogations were conducted by Researcher Karl Kongsberg, the current authorized user of SCP-0000-J. All transcripts submitted below were written by Researcher Kongsberg.
Interview 0000-J-01
Privileged Parking Personnel: Researcher Kongsberg
Piggybacking Pilferer: Doctor Frankin Ficarra
<Begin Log>
Researcher Kongsberg: Excuse me, Frankin, what are you doing?
Dr. Ficarra: Huh? Oh, I just need to run in and grab my lunchbox. I left it in my office. Clumsy me!
Researcher Kongsberg: Not with my parking spot, you won't! That spot was accorded to me, Employee of the Month at Site-48!
Dr. Ficarra: Karl, that title means nothing. I got Employee of the Month for washing my hands after using the restroom.
Researcher Kongsberg: I humbly request that you relocate your pickup truck, so I can park my automobile!
Dr. Ficarra: Look, I'll just run in and grab my lunchbox, and then I'll leave, it'll just be three minutes!
Dr. Ficarra runs from SCP-0000-J and enters the Site-48 gate. Researcher Kongsberg scoffs.
Researcher Kongsberg: They park in my shadow so I can wait in the light.
<End Log>
Interview 0000-J-02
Currently Designated Driver: Researcher Kongsberg
Obsolete Superseded Owner: Legal Liaison Patricia Potter
<Begin Log>
Researcher Kongsberg: Excuse me, madam, you appear to be parking your car atop a parcel of pavement that was not allocated to you.
Liaison Potter: What are you talking about? I'm Employee of the Month?
Researcher Kongsberg: Only for February. I'm Site-48's celebrated employee for March.
Liaison Potter: In that case, I request to view your HMCL supervisor-issued Employee of the Month Certificate.
Researcher Kongsberg hands Liaison Potter his certificate. It reads "Site-48 Researcher Karl Kongsberg is recognized by HMCL supervisor Benjamin Bolton, Site Director Linda Lutz, and O5-11 as March's Employee of the Month for cleaning up after himself in the cafeteria".
Liaison Potter: Cleaning up after yourself? What are you, a child? They give these certificates out like candy, it means nothing.
Researcher Kongsberg: If it means nothing, why are you still using my parking spot? Especially since you used to be Employee of the Month?
Liaison Potter: Well, that kind of question requires a lot of self-reflection into my personality that I am unwilling to decompile at this time. Now if you excuse me, I'm late for my meeting with the Site Director.
Liaison Potter runs to the front gate of Site-48, leaving her vehicle parked upon SCP-0000-J.
Researcher Kongsberg:
<End Log>
Interview 0000-J-03
Really Important Researcher: Researcher Kongsberg
Unfair Usurper: GOC Operative "Two Number Nines" (187752774/5437)
<Begin Log>
Researcher Kongsberg: Sir! Sir! You can't park there! You're blocking my car!
Operative Two Number Nines: Oh, sorry about that. I'm not from around here.
Researcher Kongsberg: Clearly not, you're wearing the insignia of the Global… uh…
Agent Two Number Nines: Global Occult Coalition. We're backed by the United Nations.
Researcher Kongsberg: Hold up. Why is a GOC agent at a Foundation facility?
Agent Two Number Nines: What'dya mean? I thought this was the office block where my tai chi instructor is.
Researcher Kongsberg: You don't know the SCP Foundation? We hide and preserve anomalies that you guys would otherwise destroy? Hello?
Agent Two Number Nines: I thought you guys just called yourselves "The Foundation"?
Researcher Kongsberg: You're actually interacting with an SCP object right now: 0000-J. It has the memetic ability to attract people who shouldn't be parking there, to the detriment of me, March's Employee of the Month at Site-48!
Agent Two Number Nines: This is Foundation Site-48? Where they have an non-insignificant amount of threat en- I mean, SCP objects?
Researcher Kongsberg: Basically, yeah. Can you vacate my spot? I'm Employee of the Month.
Agent Two Number Nines: Got it, I'll move right now.
Researcher Kongsberg: Thank you.
<End Log>
Addendum 02: On March 9, 2014, Researcher Kongsberg officially defected to the Global Occult Coalition. Site Director Linda Lutz attempted to prevent the defection by negotiating with Researcher Kongsberg; all attempts were unsuccessful.
A defection letter written by Former Researcher Kongsberg was discovered, and is included below.
To my "colleagues" at the Foundation,
I enlisted in the Foundation because I believed in our supposed mission to Secure, Contain, and Protect anomalous objects and phenomena. I was told in your orientation meetings that the Foundation's method of interacting with the anomalous was indeed the more beneficial route, in comparison to your rivals at the United Nations, the Global Occult Coalition.
I also believed in the integrity of your organization, with your cold, clinical writing, the labeling of anomalous humans with license plate numbers, and your many, many security clearances and red tape. Unfortunately, I have observed with my own eyes your surprisingly lackluster approach to "memetic anomalies" with your frequent misuse of my Employee of the Month parking space. Even when I designated the phenomenon as SCP-0000-J, my noble pleas went ignored by those in charge.
However, just a few days ago, I had my first interaction with an operative of the GOC. His behavior and demeanor was nothing like I imagined from your many brainwashing sessions in Site-48's Cinema Observation area. Thanks to the graciousness of Two Number Nines, my eyes have been opened at the disgusting treachery of the "Foundation".
So take this as my official letter of resignation. I will be moving on to greener pastures with my new friends at the GOC, where I will know for a fact that any privileged parking I painstakingly earn will be respected by my colleagues.
A river derr chee,
Disgruntled Defector Karl Kongsberg
Included page "theme:mcd" does not exist (create it now)
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |
|---|---|
| Status | Acquirable |
| Demand | High |
| Value | 3500 USD/2770 GBP packaged, 550 USD/435 GBP loose |
| Availability | Current Inventory 1000, Estimated 5000 Worldwide |
| Identifier | Pocket Cars Automates |
| Description | 1:64 scale diecast toy vehicles that can move about on their own. Exhibits limited sapience regarding their surroundings/recognizing playsets. Increased market value in mint condition packaging. |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |
| Initial Report | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Author | Lipkwitz Bridges | Date | July 21, 2022 |
| Interest | High | Identifier | Pocket Cars Automates |
| An insider in the Cha-sago Toy Company has allowed us exclusive access to a new limited edition collectible item that possesses the capability to move on their own. To ease investor fears, we will sign a contract to acquire 1000 examples as a guarantee of sale. The rest will be sold online through a member's club, where they will inevitably be scalped by internet bots All examples of the item in MC&D possession will be stored in a freeport until the time of resale. |
|||
| File Opened Under: | LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | ||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Inventory Information | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Owner | Quantity | Comments | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | 1000 | Stored in a freeport in Los Angeles, CA, USA. | |
| The Foundation | 7 | Stored as anomalous item. | |
| Cha-sago Toys | N/A | Supplier, all items have been sold. | |
| Customers | ~4000 | Estimated 95% of all customers will never open packaging. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 01 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lipkwitz Bridges | Recipient | Lincoln Marshall |
| Marshall, my social media surveillance software is telling me that the Global Occult Coalition is tracking down these items to destroy them. While the majority of the items were taken from amateur internet scalpers, the risk of them breaching our freeport remains high. What should we do? |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 02 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lincoln Marshall | Recipient | Lipkwitz Bridges |
| Lipkwitz, You seem to be rather oblivious to how we operate. Forget about the strict no-questions-asked hierarchies of Corporate America and use your head. How do you protect anomalous items? How does one discourage rivals from searching in areas where we would rather they not search? There are answers to those questions, and as the primary broker responsible for these items, it is up to you to answer them and act accordingly. You have been given quite the autonomy in how to manage our items. Use it wisely. ~ Lincoln Marshall P.S. A representative from our Pocket Mansions division will contact you soon. Work from there. |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 03 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lipkwitz Bridges | Recipient | Lincoln Marshall |
| The Pocket Mansion technicians have successfully built a secure hiding spot within our freeport warehouse. One more question, how should we protect current owners of these items from the ongoing GOC operation? |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 04 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lincoln Marshall | Recipient | Lipkwitz Bridges |
| Lipkwitz, As per our last memo, your questions are ones which you may answer yourself, and perform actions that build upon those answers. Do the current owners of those items make payments on them to us? Since we have not sold any of our stock yet, that would not be possible. When conducting business with items that others have as well, when the item is out of your hands, it is out of your hands. What should be your main concern following the transaction is the amount of profit you have made in the end. Let the pigs destroy what is not ours. ~ Lincoln Marshall |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 05 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lipkwitz Bridges | Recipient | Lincoln Marshall |
| Marshall, the GOC is actively destroying these items. The company only made a very limited supply of them, and it's gonna keep dwindling, affecting the value of our supply. | |||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 06 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| LZS9E/CA9B2/EO78Z | |||
| Sender | Lincoln Marshall | Recipient | Lipkwitz Bridges |
| You still appear to not have comprehended my earlier message, Lipkwitz. The laws of supply and demand are simple; the lower the availability of a popular item is, the more people are willing to pay for it. These Automates have been immensely popular, and the folks at Cha-sago Toys already made sure to produce too little to meet demand. Why would people purchase them, just to resell them later? There is quite the profit to be made, and we are the ultimate scalper. When the GOC destroys an existing Automate, that is one more item permanently removed from the market. The collector they took it from, they want to replace it. Another potential client joins the marketplace looking to buy the few surviving examples; the ones we have in our new pocket freeport. The UN pigs want a fight, most of them are bored soldiers itching for combat. It is not wise to wrestle a pig in the mud; that is what they want to do. Why expend the energy, money and time for a giant PR disaster? Better to stay in the shadows until they become tired of liquidating the same items repeatedly and move on to the next paranormal object. Over the coming months, following the pigs moving to another playpen, that is when we will begin auctioning off our remaining supply, one at a time, making sure interest stays high. That is how you play the game, Lipkwitz. You hold out for long-term gains. ~ Lincoln Marshall P.S, your position will be superseded by Marcus Guzman as of tomorrow, and you will begin reporting to him instead of me. Pay attention to how he conducts himself, and being to grow a will of your own. |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| 8UICK/I9E7S/476NX | |
|---|---|
| Status | Selling |
| Demand | High |
| Value | 11,550,000 USD/9,260,000 GBP per conversion |
| Availability | Established Supply Chain |
| Identifier | Supersonic Autos |
| Description | A method of modifying existing vehicles to perform supersonic speeds. Automobiles will be modified at a rate of no more than once every three months to ensure scarcity. |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |
| Initial Report | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Author | Lincoln Marshall | Date | May 4, 1997 |
| Interest | Medium | Identifier | Supersonic Autos |
| I have recently come into contact with a fellow by the name of Grant Xavier, who has the proven ability to modify sports and muscle cars for supersonic performance. He was initially arrested by the FBI's Unusual Incidents Unit for bypassing federally-mandated emissions controls on his modified cars, but was recently put on probation. Since the FBI pigs seized all his cars and tools, he will need our help to get back on his feet. I will arrange for him to have a special garage and all the materials he needs to build more supersonic cars, in exchange for the exclusive sales and auction rights to all of them, with a small commission provided to him, of course. |
|||
| File Opened Under: | 8UICK/I9E7S/476NX | ||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Memo 01 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| 8UICK/I9E7S/476NX | |||
| Sender | Lincoln Marshall | Recipient | Grant Xavier |
| Grant, Welcome to your new garage. Take a bit of time to readjust to life outside of a jail cell. There should be a mattress on the floor and a fridge full of beer. Next week, a 1991 Ford Mustang will be brought to your garage for you to work your magic. I have already arranged a buyer. Do not let me down. ~Lincoln Marshall P.S. Make sure you modify the catalytic converters as well. You don't want those FBI pigs coming after you again, now would you? |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
Item #: SCP-0000
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Currently, SCP-0000 is quarantined within the United States.
Description: SCP-0000 is a viral pathogen primarily infecting mechanical hosts.
Symptoms of SCP-0000 infection include: